Tag: pain

How To Mend a Broken Heart When It Literally Feels Impossible
It seemed like I was in a bad Hollywood romcom the other day, as rain poured from the sky and the guy I thought was the love of my life, sat across from me in my car and told me we were never actually going out. Two and a half months later, countless dates, and late-night drives only to learn that we had been what? Buddies? I was obviously devastated, and as much as I enjoyed sitting in my pyjamas, eating cake and watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU, I knew I needed to be proactive in my healing or face spiralling into a dark hole and always wondering where I had gone wrong.

There is nothing that films sell short like heartbreak, I mean, Elle Woods ( Legally Blonde, 2001) got her heart broken and applied to Harvard Law, yeah right. More realistically, heartbreak feels like an endless sea of grief that seems to go on forever. Even the smallest of things, like seeing his name on your car Bluetooth, can be a reminder of what you lost. There is no magical, cure-all way to fix a broken heart, however, these tips, courtesy of an Instagram poll can make the heartbreak feel a little less like the world is ending.
1. Grieve the Relationship
To use Elsa’s words, “Feel, don’t conceal.” Allow yourself to sit in your feelings, it’s okay to feel sad, angry, and even devastated. Travel through the stages of grief, from denial to anger, until you settle at home base in acceptance. It may take years or days, and running away from your feelings will only prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to feel sad about the love you lost, and grieve the former relationship.
1. Exercise!
Recovering from a breakup is a lot of work, and getting yourself out of bed and active is even more work. Although it may seem to all be in your head(or heart), a breakup can take a physical toll on our bodies too. Research has found that people who have recently gone through a breakup experience similar brain activity when shown pictures of their ex as they do when they are in physical pain. So those chest pains we are suffering through are not a figment of our imaginations. The best way to counteract the physical discomfort you may be feeling is to exercise. A morning stroll, lifting weights, or cardio, allows your brain to release endorphins and the other yummy hormones that reduce anxiety or depression. And what’s better than a revenge body on the gram?
1. Stay Away From Social Media
Trust me, your algorithm knows what is happening in your life- it always knows. When was the last time you didn’t tune into TikTok? Use this time to take a bit of a social media sabbatical, otherwise, your algorithm will be feeding you “Here’s how to know if he really loves you” videos or worst yet “How to know if a woman is in her feminine energy”, you’ll find yourself spiralling down the social media rabbit hole and unlike Alice, you won’t find a wonderland. Save yourself the pain and frustration, and don’t stalk their new partner- it’s never going to bring you the closure you desire.
1. Put on Some Tunes
Lucky for you and me, heartbreak is a universal pandemic that spans BC (Before Christ), and so there is a song about every sort of heartbreak imaginable. If you don’t know where to start, my girl Adele has you covered. Taylor Swift just released 1989 ( Taylor’s Version) which has a few heartbreak tear jerkers. If you’re keeping it local, what is better than the Amapiano beat of Abalele to still your broken heart? Music will always be there for us, allow it to soothe your wounds and remind you time and time again that you are not alone.

P.S. Stay away from the songs that remind you of them- we are moving onward not backwards.
1. Don’t Delete the Pictures – Yet
In all your anger and hurt you might block, delete, and try your best to forget, but don’t be so hasty. I tried it, only to find myself resaving the pictures. Healing is a journey, you don’t need to rush through anything. Whether it was a talking stage, a situationship, or even a long-term relationship, you allowed some form of love in and it did not turn out how you wanted. You don’t have to rip off the bandaid, slow and steady wins the race, and when you are ready, wipe the reminders of them from your life.
1. Lean On Your Community
My friend told me, “If you need to shout- shout at me, if you need to cry, cry to me.” And that’s what we all need through this process, a shoulder to lean on. As easy as it is to put yourself in isolation, talking about it helps, a hug goes a long way, and sharing a tub of ice cream with your mate sometimes feels better than eating it alone.
1. Dive Into Your Hobbies
Haven’t picked up your musical instrument since high school? Or baked bread since the pandemic ended? The less time you spend sitting and occupying your mind about the past relationship, the less it will get to you. Occupy your time with distractions, the more the merrier.

8. Pray It Away

This has been the most helpful tip for me, who better to heal my broken heart than the Creator of the universe? Even if you’re not religious, try talking to God about it.

9. Rebrand

As cliche as Hollywood movies have made it seem, “reinventing” yourself after a breakup can be empowering. According to psychology professor Renee Engeln, “Making a radical change in your appearance can be a way of sending the message that you’re also making a radical change to your life- or that you’d like to.” Pushing yourself to do something radical like adopting a cat (Lupita Nyong’o you did that girl!)facing your fear of heights by going bungee jumping, or moving to another country allows you the freedom to do something without needing anyone’s opinion about it first. A drastic life change is an obvious and somewhat easy way to tell the world that you are ready to start over and reclaim your newly found freedom.

In the difficult moments, remind yourself that you will recover from this. Healing is not linear, and it is absolutely okay to do everything on this list and still feel devastated. For me, missing him comes and goes in waves, but it’s in those breathless painful moments that I remind myself that human resilience is something to be marveled at and that my heart will be whole once more. Most importantly, whatever you do, do not give up on yourself. We must still go on to believe that fairytales exist, and that love will come to stay next time around.
6 November 2023
Filmmakers Mtengenya and Mkhabela collaborate to turn words into gentle visual poetry

“Let us roam with the stars, because they dance around us” this is the start to Nefro Poetess – Episode 1; Guide Me Home. Nefro Poetess is a three-part web-series by filmmaker Amahle Mtengenya and poet Fezeka Mkhabela (starring Bongani Zulu) —the pair makes use of narrative film to create a vision and bring forth an authentic voice to issues of love, loss, pain and redemption, in a way that is complex. Piece by piece the story unfolds —with Mkhabela’s voice tracking the journey.

Across the world, women not only face oppression but have become the face of that oppression, Nefro Poetess takes this notion, twists and turns it until it is limp. With a strong woman lead, it reaches deep inside and taps into personal feelings and a state of being —combining the art of filmmaking and spoken poetry into a single language.

“Poetry is becoming obsolete in the digital age. With this series, we wanted to bring our imagination around poetry to the screen. Creating an awareness around this language” explains Mtengenya.

Roses, soft pallets, face-painting and ethereal, suspenseful music grace the screen ushering in new voices through independent storytelling. The slight changes in gradient influence the elements that make Nefro Poetess a powerful piece, it is multivalent and highly emotive. An oral and visual experience transporting the viewer into a tense reality.

Mtengenya and Mkhabela are film students at the University of the Witwatersrand (WITS) and Zulu studies architecture at Tshwane University of Technology (TUT). The work was born following a film-school research project and a strong friendship between the three —anchored by a deep desire to “create things that people can relate to”. They hope to expand on the ideas of visual poetry and online cinema by extending the web-series. Their shared objective is to use these mediums to tell more authentic, personal stories.

This beautiful treasure box of a web-series persuades, informs and connects through its slow pace and relatable nature. Part one; ‘Guide Me Home’ is a poem about love; the second part; ‘Painkiller’ expresses pain and loss, while the third; ‘Third Eye Queen’ is redemptive. “Live in truth because you know a black queen never truly dies” – hails Mkhabela…… a resurrection.

Through this project, language becomes its own topography used to create a space for reflection. Beauty, fragility and authenticity combine to create an indispensable memory.

17 August 2018
Janiva Ellis’ visceral paintings comfort as well as unsettle

Transcending both reality and fantasy, Janiva Ellis creates vivid paintings with unconstrained composition where vibrant colours offer a hint of cheerfulness and comfort, while exploring pain and violence.

Ellis is a Los Angeles-based visual artist working primarily as a painter. She creates raw and intimate paintings of contorted, exaggerated, drooping and distorted human and human like forms.

Her representation of figures is not bound by any fixed formality —decapitated heads, floating heads, heads with multiple sets of eyes, internal organs erupting from the body —these depictions are surreal but also a little bit frightening.

“To me, my images aren’t any more violent than many everyday interactions. Any more anguished than they are obliged. The unrest in my work represents a release, a shared sardonic moment of tension and amusement.” – shares Ellis in an interview with Artsy.

Ellis is most known for her dark and absurdist paintings which integrate cartoons and bold colours. In 2017, she presented a series of paintings at New York’s 47 Canal Gallery (Lick Shot) seeking to explore her own experiences of pain – using playfulness as a form of reprieve. Curator Kevin McGarry described the show as “a series of glimpses into the divine comedy of existing in a world where pain is met with doubt; into dynamics that are blatant and never-ending, yet consistently denied their truth.”

Despite the seemingly humorous and playful approach, Ellis’ works acts as a critical framework for exploring deep psychological trauma and the very complex intersections between race and gender. Her work often has an unexpected effect of shock, much like how trauma itself works. “You’re in this pleasant situation, picking up a cabbage, but there’s still a fraught dialogue that happens, whether it be a memory or somethings a stranger says that can feel psychologically eviscerating” she explained in an interview with the New York Times, speaking in particular to one of her paintings; ‘Curb-Check Regular, Black Chick’ (2017). This work depicts a scene at a fruit and vegetable market with one of the character’s insides gushing outside of her body.

Ellis participated in The 2018 New Museum Triennial – an exhibition dedicated to providing an important platform for a new generation of artist shaping the global discourse in contemporary art. This year’s participants included; Cian Dayrit (b. 1989, Manila, Philippines), Haroon Gunn-Salie (b. 1989, Cape Town, South Africa) and Chemu Ng’ok (b. 1989, Nairobi, Kenya) among others. The theme; ‘Songs of Sabotage’ sought to investigate “how individuals and collectives around the world might effectively address the connection of images and culture to the forces that structure our society”. Ellis’ satirical paintings – which seems weightless yet fraught with immerse heaviness – offer a degree of political engagement and continue to build a dialogue around issues of trauma and violence.

Ellis’ work carries a beautiful strangeness and offers us strategies of release through giving form and a new language to pain – disturbing the comfortable and comforting the disturbed.

6 August 2018
Meghan Daniels – The Photographer capturing honest emotion through the people closest to her

Candid intimacy. Grit. Snapshots of personal memories. Longing. These are the descriptions that come to mind when looking at the photographic repertoire of Meghan Daniels.

Meghan Daniels is a Capetonian photographer whose work falls largely under the wing of documentary photography. Regarding her camera as an extension of herself, Meghan does not view what she photographs as subject matter, but instead a compilation of experiences taking the tangible shape of a photograph. “Basically, I guess I don’t care too much for photography but rather a sense of what I interpret, to be honest,” she expresses in an interview with DEAD TOWN zine.

Meghan’s photographic practice began as a visual diary of sorts as she is drawn to capturing those closest to her – herself, friends, family, as well as memory inducing spaces. She articulates further that her visual diary acts as a way of capturing her feelings which touch on themes related to sexuality, gender issues, relationships, intimacy, love, pain, mental health and recovery. She sees photography as a mirror of herself and the world around her. “When people ask what I do, it’s difficult to say I’m a ‘photographer’ and that I ‘photograph’.”

Photography has acted as a medium to facilitate processing the more difficult aspects of life for her. In her personal projects, Meghan captures moments as they unfold with the passing of time. In documentary projects her approach is grounded in research, participatory research methods which including the person/persons the project are centred around, as well as self-reflexivity which plays an integral function. Her commercial practice foregrounds certain visual signifiers that are a trademark of her eye, namely honesty, vulnerability, intimacy and grittiness.

Meghan works as a photographer and cinematographer in a professional capacity. Her go-to camera arsenals are her Contax point and shoot as well as her medium format Mamiya. She is never devoid of inspiration. She finds it in the work of fellow South African creatives, areas seen while driving and the small details in life such as broken, flickering light bulbs just to name a few. But as is the case with most artists, feelings of melancholy also lend inspiration – trauma, heartbreak and so forth. Meghan often uses her practice to heal her own pain.

Images of honesty and true emotion. Real people and real events. Meghan Daniels’ practice tugs on the heartstrings as her candid style is one that projects authenticity and the real nature in which she photographs those close to her makes one feel as though you know them or can identify with the feeling they convey.

18 April 2018