Tag: love

How To Mend a Broken Heart When It Literally Feels Impossible
It seemed like I was in a bad Hollywood romcom the other day, as rain poured from the sky and the guy I thought was the love of my life, sat across from me in my car and told me we were never actually going out. Two and a half months later, countless dates, and late-night drives only to learn that we had been what? Buddies? I was obviously devastated, and as much as I enjoyed sitting in my pyjamas, eating cake and watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU, I knew I needed to be proactive in my healing or face spiralling into a dark hole and always wondering where I had gone wrong.

There is nothing that films sell short like heartbreak, I mean, Elle Woods ( Legally Blonde, 2001) got her heart broken and applied to Harvard Law, yeah right. More realistically, heartbreak feels like an endless sea of grief that seems to go on forever. Even the smallest of things, like seeing his name on your car Bluetooth, can be a reminder of what you lost. There is no magical, cure-all way to fix a broken heart, however, these tips, courtesy of an Instagram poll can make the heartbreak feel a little less like the world is ending.
1. Grieve the Relationship
To use Elsa’s words, “Feel, don’t conceal.” Allow yourself to sit in your feelings, it’s okay to feel sad, angry, and even devastated. Travel through the stages of grief, from denial to anger, until you settle at home base in acceptance. It may take years or days, and running away from your feelings will only prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to feel sad about the love you lost, and grieve the former relationship.
1. Exercise!
Recovering from a breakup is a lot of work, and getting yourself out of bed and active is even more work. Although it may seem to all be in your head(or heart), a breakup can take a physical toll on our bodies too. Research has found that people who have recently gone through a breakup experience similar brain activity when shown pictures of their ex as they do when they are in physical pain. So those chest pains we are suffering through are not a figment of our imaginations. The best way to counteract the physical discomfort you may be feeling is to exercise. A morning stroll, lifting weights, or cardio, allows your brain to release endorphins and the other yummy hormones that reduce anxiety or depression. And what’s better than a revenge body on the gram?
1. Stay Away From Social Media
Trust me, your algorithm knows what is happening in your life- it always knows. When was the last time you didn’t tune into TikTok? Use this time to take a bit of a social media sabbatical, otherwise, your algorithm will be feeding you “Here’s how to know if he really loves you” videos or worst yet “How to know if a woman is in her feminine energy”, you’ll find yourself spiralling down the social media rabbit hole and unlike Alice, you won’t find a wonderland. Save yourself the pain and frustration, and don’t stalk their new partner- it’s never going to bring you the closure you desire.
1. Put on Some Tunes
Lucky for you and me, heartbreak is a universal pandemic that spans BC (Before Christ), and so there is a song about every sort of heartbreak imaginable. If you don’t know where to start, my girl Adele has you covered. Taylor Swift just released 1989 ( Taylor’s Version) which has a few heartbreak tear jerkers. If you’re keeping it local, what is better than the Amapiano beat of Abalele to still your broken heart? Music will always be there for us, allow it to soothe your wounds and remind you time and time again that you are not alone.

P.S. Stay away from the songs that remind you of them- we are moving onward not backwards.
1. Don’t Delete the Pictures – Yet
In all your anger and hurt you might block, delete, and try your best to forget, but don’t be so hasty. I tried it, only to find myself resaving the pictures. Healing is a journey, you don’t need to rush through anything. Whether it was a talking stage, a situationship, or even a long-term relationship, you allowed some form of love in and it did not turn out how you wanted. You don’t have to rip off the bandaid, slow and steady wins the race, and when you are ready, wipe the reminders of them from your life.
1. Lean On Your Community
My friend told me, “If you need to shout- shout at me, if you need to cry, cry to me.” And that’s what we all need through this process, a shoulder to lean on. As easy as it is to put yourself in isolation, talking about it helps, a hug goes a long way, and sharing a tub of ice cream with your mate sometimes feels better than eating it alone.
1. Dive Into Your Hobbies
Haven’t picked up your musical instrument since high school? Or baked bread since the pandemic ended? The less time you spend sitting and occupying your mind about the past relationship, the less it will get to you. Occupy your time with distractions, the more the merrier.

8. Pray It Away

This has been the most helpful tip for me, who better to heal my broken heart than the Creator of the universe? Even if you’re not religious, try talking to God about it.

9. Rebrand

As cliche as Hollywood movies have made it seem, “reinventing” yourself after a breakup can be empowering. According to psychology professor Renee Engeln, “Making a radical change in your appearance can be a way of sending the message that you’re also making a radical change to your life- or that you’d like to.” Pushing yourself to do something radical like adopting a cat (Lupita Nyong’o you did that girl!)facing your fear of heights by going bungee jumping, or moving to another country allows you the freedom to do something without needing anyone’s opinion about it first. A drastic life change is an obvious and somewhat easy way to tell the world that you are ready to start over and reclaim your newly found freedom.

In the difficult moments, remind yourself that you will recover from this. Healing is not linear, and it is absolutely okay to do everything on this list and still feel devastated. For me, missing him comes and goes in waves, but it’s in those breathless painful moments that I remind myself that human resilience is something to be marveled at and that my heart will be whole once more. Most importantly, whatever you do, do not give up on yourself. We must still go on to believe that fairytales exist, and that love will come to stay next time around.
6 November 2023
Filmmakers Mtengenya and Mkhabela collaborate to turn words into gentle visual poetry

“Let us roam with the stars, because they dance around us” this is the start to Nefro Poetess – Episode 1; Guide Me Home. Nefro Poetess is a three-part web-series by filmmaker Amahle Mtengenya and poet Fezeka Mkhabela (starring Bongani Zulu) —the pair makes use of narrative film to create a vision and bring forth an authentic voice to issues of love, loss, pain and redemption, in a way that is complex. Piece by piece the story unfolds —with Mkhabela’s voice tracking the journey.

Across the world, women not only face oppression but have become the face of that oppression, Nefro Poetess takes this notion, twists and turns it until it is limp. With a strong woman lead, it reaches deep inside and taps into personal feelings and a state of being —combining the art of filmmaking and spoken poetry into a single language.

“Poetry is becoming obsolete in the digital age. With this series, we wanted to bring our imagination around poetry to the screen. Creating an awareness around this language” explains Mtengenya.

Roses, soft pallets, face-painting and ethereal, suspenseful music grace the screen ushering in new voices through independent storytelling. The slight changes in gradient influence the elements that make Nefro Poetess a powerful piece, it is multivalent and highly emotive. An oral and visual experience transporting the viewer into a tense reality.

Mtengenya and Mkhabela are film students at the University of the Witwatersrand (WITS) and Zulu studies architecture at Tshwane University of Technology (TUT). The work was born following a film-school research project and a strong friendship between the three —anchored by a deep desire to “create things that people can relate to”. They hope to expand on the ideas of visual poetry and online cinema by extending the web-series. Their shared objective is to use these mediums to tell more authentic, personal stories.

This beautiful treasure box of a web-series persuades, informs and connects through its slow pace and relatable nature. Part one; ‘Guide Me Home’ is a poem about love; the second part; ‘Painkiller’ expresses pain and loss, while the third; ‘Third Eye Queen’ is redemptive. “Live in truth because you know a black queen never truly dies” – hails Mkhabela…… a resurrection.

Through this project, language becomes its own topography used to create a space for reflection. Beauty, fragility and authenticity combine to create an indispensable memory.

17 August 2018
Serpentwithfeet – Standing Tall

The most immediately noticeable thing about upcoming musician Serpentwithfeet aka Josiah Wise is his striking visual image. In his press photos, he rocks a massive septum piercing, an occasionally multi-coloured beard and face tattoos which announce SUICIDE and HEAVEN around the centerpiece of a pentagram. This brash image may remind you of a Soundcloud rapper, but in truth his angelic, classically trained voice makes him more like Nina Simone than Lil Pump.

Raised in a religious household in Baltimore, Wise was immersed in both gospel and classical music growing up, and originally aspired to be an opera singer. The challenges and intense personal experiences of a life as a young, gay black man pushed him to an exploratory sound which merges the sweetest pop and the harshest noise. On the 2016 EP blisters and his new album soil, he uses music to explore the tensions, productive or irreconcilable, between earthy sexuality and spiritual yearning, love, lust and belief. These elements spark an exciting blaze which is being noticed throughout the music world. blisters includes production by Bjork-collaborator and film composer The Haxan Cloak, while soil saw him working with the divergent likes of cloud rap legend Clams Casino and Adele co-writer Paul Epworth.

The importation of sacred musical tropes into carnal themes is brilliantly outlaid in his choice of nom de plume. In the Christian tradition, the snake is a low, bestial figure which corrupts humanity with sin and self-consciousness. In contrast, the image of a walking snake counters that knowledge of desire and sex is the path to true liberation, to at last proudly striding upright in the sun. His work reminds me of a famous quote by the great writer James Baldwin who undertook similar explorations of race, gender and religion – “If the concept of God has any use, it is to make us larger, freer, and more loving. If God can’t do that, it’s time we got rid of him”. In an era of violent orthodoxy and fundamentalist hypocrisy, Serpentwithfeet is a call to listen to the inner voices which call to us to free both ourselves and each other.

16 July 2018
‘Close Encounters’ // A group show exploring the multiplicity of intimacy by SMITH Gallery

“Intimacy is too often confined with matters of love; yet the word belongs more to trust, to faith. It denotes an act of revelation found in the simple gesture of sharing; bringing that which was previously hidden out from the shadows and into the light. In this exhibition, the artworks chosen explore intimacy in both their content and their form. They touch on universal themes – like birth and love and death – but also on other more singular intimacies; personal histories, dreams and desires. The works reflect on self- intimacy, experienced in solitude, and the intimacy shared between us, be it romantic or platonic, familial or fleeting. There is, too, intimacy of familiar spaces, spaces we inhabit in both the world and in our minds. And then, there is the intimacy of objects, and our relationships to them; a cherished photograph, clothes left lying on the floor, a coffee half drunk, now gone cold, a letter hidden in a bottom drawer. And always an implied subject, who has held and touched these objects, so that each becomes a metonym for something, or someone, else.” – reads the introductory paragraph of the essay on the group show titled The Art of Intimacy by Lucienne Bestall.

Curated by SMITH’s own Jana Terblanche, Close Encounters, “…encompasses many intimacies. Intimacy between friends, family and even yourself. An ‘encounter’ extends beyond romantic love, and opens the show up to a certain type of multiplicity…” she tells me in response to the exhibition title.

Terblanche explains further that, “The curatorial strategy seeks to make connections, and guide the audience to experience many versions of intimacy, but not to be too definitive in fixing its meaning.”

‘Looking in’ by Banele Khoza

Interpretation, voyeuristic in its nature, peeks into private scenes in the works of Olivié Keck, Daniel Nel and Banele Khoza. As the viewer uncovers that which is hidden, they are confronted with the image of a sleeping woman with a bloodstain forming between her legs; with figures in a bedroom – dressing or undressing. A nude man cradles his foot in another work. As Bestall points out, the human shapes portrayed on these canvases appear to be unaware of their viewer, unaware of being watched. They are “…absorbed in their own worlds and insensible to ours. From this vantage, we become privileged viewers; seeing yet unseen.”

Boy in Pool and Creepy Noodle by Strauss Louw presents as photographic montages reflecting on ideas surrounding sensuality and sexuality. The images’ quality can be compared to a fever dream, confused, stripped down. A recurring element in both frames is that of water. Water which is fluid and evokes connotations around spiritual cleanliness, the metaphorical washing away of sin; a baptism that promises new life, a new beginning. The images that reflect one another and in turn speak to one another show an intimacy that extends beyond photographic paper. The signifier, pool noodles and topless male torsos, signify more than the visual cues the artist brings to the fore. Bestall writes, “For him, the gesture of photographing is itself an act of intimacy; the silent communion between the subject and artist shared for only the briefest moment.”

‘Creepy Noodle’ by Strauss Louw

Moments of grave intimacy equally take hold in this group show appearing as recollections of space lost, contemplations on censorship, erasure and that which is muffled. A weapon uncovered from the quite recesses of a grandmother’s bed.

Returning to the intimacy of childhood, Thandiwe Msebenzi, Sitaara Stodel and Morné Visagie use film, collage and photographs to convey their meaning. Loss, longing and distance oozing from each pigment.

‘Unoma xabela ngezembe’ by Thanidwe Msebenzi

Tapping into the darker avenues of the twisted mind, Michaela Younge and Stephen Allwright craft peculiar scenes of nightmarish fantasy. Younge’s work made from merino wool and felt, bring together eroticism, violence, sensuality and abjection. In this world of felt imagination nude figures, skulls, a doll’s head, the American Gothic and a lawnmower coexist on the same material plane.

The intimacy of banal objects is considered by artists Gitte Möller and Fanie Buys. Buys’ Unknown Couple at their Wedding (muriel you’re terrible) is a painting of a found image depicting a bride and groom about to cut into their wedding cake. The familiarity of the scene is nostalgic as it is found as such in endless family photo albums.

‘Leda and the Handsome Glück’ by Michaela Younge

Pairing the personal with the universal Amy Lester uses a monotype of a faceless woman that draws parallels with the Venus of Willendorf and other objects and images of fertility. Alongside hangs a photograph of the artist’s birth. This iteration of familial intimacy explores birth and the archetypal Mother figure.

The viewer is moved from private bedroom scenes to depictions of violence, from a clear subject to an underlying layer of meaning, invited to engage with the scale of works, the theme of intimacy follows distinct threads. “Yet the works exhibited all share the same vulnerability. Something previously hidden is revealed; a secret spoken aloud, a memory described, a dark dream recalled. Such is intimacy, a word bound not to love, nor to the erotic. But rather, a word that denotes a certain knowledge, a privileged insight into the private life of another – another figure, another object, another place. Where some intimacies are lasting, others are only momentary; where some are apparent, others are not.” Bestall ends off.

‘Unknown Couple at their Wedding (muriel you’re terrible)’ by Fanie Buys

The interdisciplinary group show Close Encounters will run from the 4 July – 28 July 2018.

Join SMITH Gallery on a walkabout of the show on Saturday the 21^st July at 11h00.

Exhibiting artists include: Stephen Allwright, Fanie Buys, Grace Cross, Claire Johnson, Jeanne Gaigher, Jess Holdengarde, Olivié Keck, Banele Khoza, Amy Lester, Strauss Louw, Sepideh Mehraban, Nabeeha Mohamed, Gitte Möller, Thandiwe Msebenzi, Daniel Nel, Gabrielle Raaff, Brett Charles Seiler, Sitaara Stodel, Marsi van de Heuvel, Anna van der Ploeg, Morné Visagie, Michaela Younge

‘The Birth’ by Amy Lester

‘she looks at you as if looking for herself’ by Jess Holdengarde

‘Tonal Tears’ by Jess Holdengarde

‘But if it doesn’t have a garden we can’t keep the dog?’ by Sitaara Stodel

12 July 2018
Meghan Daniels – The Photographer capturing honest emotion through the people closest to her

Candid intimacy. Grit. Snapshots of personal memories. Longing. These are the descriptions that come to mind when looking at the photographic repertoire of Meghan Daniels.

Meghan Daniels is a Capetonian photographer whose work falls largely under the wing of documentary photography. Regarding her camera as an extension of herself, Meghan does not view what she photographs as subject matter, but instead a compilation of experiences taking the tangible shape of a photograph. “Basically, I guess I don’t care too much for photography but rather a sense of what I interpret, to be honest,” she expresses in an interview with DEAD TOWN zine.

Meghan’s photographic practice began as a visual diary of sorts as she is drawn to capturing those closest to her – herself, friends, family, as well as memory inducing spaces. She articulates further that her visual diary acts as a way of capturing her feelings which touch on themes related to sexuality, gender issues, relationships, intimacy, love, pain, mental health and recovery. She sees photography as a mirror of herself and the world around her. “When people ask what I do, it’s difficult to say I’m a ‘photographer’ and that I ‘photograph’.”

Photography has acted as a medium to facilitate processing the more difficult aspects of life for her. In her personal projects, Meghan captures moments as they unfold with the passing of time. In documentary projects her approach is grounded in research, participatory research methods which including the person/persons the project are centred around, as well as self-reflexivity which plays an integral function. Her commercial practice foregrounds certain visual signifiers that are a trademark of her eye, namely honesty, vulnerability, intimacy and grittiness.

Meghan works as a photographer and cinematographer in a professional capacity. Her go-to camera arsenals are her Contax point and shoot as well as her medium format Mamiya. She is never devoid of inspiration. She finds it in the work of fellow South African creatives, areas seen while driving and the small details in life such as broken, flickering light bulbs just to name a few. But as is the case with most artists, feelings of melancholy also lend inspiration – trauma, heartbreak and so forth. Meghan often uses her practice to heal her own pain.

Images of honesty and true emotion. Real people and real events. Meghan Daniels’ practice tugs on the heartstrings as her candid style is one that projects authenticity and the real nature in which she photographs those close to her makes one feel as though you know them or can identify with the feeling they convey.

18 April 2018
Loui Lvndn: Chasing the Princess

With his debut album ‘Your Princess is in another Castle’, Johannesburg based artists Loui Lvndn presents a body of work with a clear concept and narrative. On the album the singer, songwriter, rapper, performing artist, visual artist and writer uses the video game character Mario and his repetitive quest to rescue his princess as a metaphor for the search of happiness. “Our character is failing to find this princess and the princess is anything, it’s love, your aspirations, the best version of yourself, success. All of those things,“ notes Loui Lvndn.

Told in a linear fashion, the album follows the exploits of the main character from a cold-hearted, ego driven place to meeting a girl and bringing her into his life, while slowly falling in love with her, before being overcome with jealousy and insecurity, before losing the her in the lifestyle through which they met and ultimately becoming the person he was before they met again. “With the album I resolved to ending the story with two endings. In one ending the repetitive nature of it seizes once the main character Loui achieves this happiness. He finds it in one. And the other ending is recurring. It’s sometimes about the journey. You revel in the moment and the experience of it all. Sometimes you actually do find it. Which is not to say you lose it and you search again. So I added both endings because there is a duality,“ muses Loui Lvndn.

The album also sees Loui Lvndn in full control of all aspects, from the art direction, to the narrative and the composition. “This is the first time I got full control over what these melodies were doing. What these compositions were like. So I created everything from scratch. For the first time I think this entire body of work is exactly what I sound like today.“ To add the final touches to the album he worked with London-born, Knysna-based producer Jumping Back Slash. “He helped finesse and refine all of the sounds, make them listenable. But he did a super job because he tuned into the wavelength that I was on and actually even took it a step further.“

Despite presenting dual outcomes to the narrative on the album Loui Lvndn believes that the search for one’s metaphorical princess is continuous. According to Loui, “success will always take a step forward as I take a step forward. So I don’t personally think I’ll ever find it. No matter how successful I am. I can have success and still be looking for it and I can have love and still be looking for it. It just seems like that sort of play.”

18 August 2017