Tag: healing

How To Mend a Broken Heart When It Literally Feels Impossible
It seemed like I was in a bad Hollywood romcom the other day, as rain poured from the sky and the guy I thought was the love of my life, sat across from me in my car and told me we were never actually going out. Two and a half months later, countless dates, and late-night drives only to learn that we had been what? Buddies? I was obviously devastated, and as much as I enjoyed sitting in my pyjamas, eating cake and watching reruns of Law & Order: SVU, I knew I needed to be proactive in my healing or face spiralling into a dark hole and always wondering where I had gone wrong.

There is nothing that films sell short like heartbreak, I mean, Elle Woods ( Legally Blonde, 2001) got her heart broken and applied to Harvard Law, yeah right. More realistically, heartbreak feels like an endless sea of grief that seems to go on forever. Even the smallest of things, like seeing his name on your car Bluetooth, can be a reminder of what you lost. There is no magical, cure-all way to fix a broken heart, however, these tips, courtesy of an Instagram poll can make the heartbreak feel a little less like the world is ending.
1. Grieve the Relationship
To use Elsa’s words, “Feel, don’t conceal.” Allow yourself to sit in your feelings, it’s okay to feel sad, angry, and even devastated. Travel through the stages of grief, from denial to anger, until you settle at home base in acceptance. It may take years or days, and running away from your feelings will only prolong the healing process. Allow yourself to feel sad about the love you lost, and grieve the former relationship.
1. Exercise!
Recovering from a breakup is a lot of work, and getting yourself out of bed and active is even more work. Although it may seem to all be in your head(or heart), a breakup can take a physical toll on our bodies too. Research has found that people who have recently gone through a breakup experience similar brain activity when shown pictures of their ex as they do when they are in physical pain. So those chest pains we are suffering through are not a figment of our imaginations. The best way to counteract the physical discomfort you may be feeling is to exercise. A morning stroll, lifting weights, or cardio, allows your brain to release endorphins and the other yummy hormones that reduce anxiety or depression. And what’s better than a revenge body on the gram?
1. Stay Away From Social Media
Trust me, your algorithm knows what is happening in your life- it always knows. When was the last time you didn’t tune into TikTok? Use this time to take a bit of a social media sabbatical, otherwise, your algorithm will be feeding you “Here’s how to know if he really loves you” videos or worst yet “How to know if a woman is in her feminine energy”, you’ll find yourself spiralling down the social media rabbit hole and unlike Alice, you won’t find a wonderland. Save yourself the pain and frustration, and don’t stalk their new partner- it’s never going to bring you the closure you desire.
1. Put on Some Tunes
Lucky for you and me, heartbreak is a universal pandemic that spans BC (Before Christ), and so there is a song about every sort of heartbreak imaginable. If you don’t know where to start, my girl Adele has you covered. Taylor Swift just released 1989 ( Taylor’s Version) which has a few heartbreak tear jerkers. If you’re keeping it local, what is better than the Amapiano beat of Abalele to still your broken heart? Music will always be there for us, allow it to soothe your wounds and remind you time and time again that you are not alone.

P.S. Stay away from the songs that remind you of them- we are moving onward not backwards.
1. Don’t Delete the Pictures – Yet
In all your anger and hurt you might block, delete, and try your best to forget, but don’t be so hasty. I tried it, only to find myself resaving the pictures. Healing is a journey, you don’t need to rush through anything. Whether it was a talking stage, a situationship, or even a long-term relationship, you allowed some form of love in and it did not turn out how you wanted. You don’t have to rip off the bandaid, slow and steady wins the race, and when you are ready, wipe the reminders of them from your life.
1. Lean On Your Community
My friend told me, “If you need to shout- shout at me, if you need to cry, cry to me.” And that’s what we all need through this process, a shoulder to lean on. As easy as it is to put yourself in isolation, talking about it helps, a hug goes a long way, and sharing a tub of ice cream with your mate sometimes feels better than eating it alone.
1. Dive Into Your Hobbies
Haven’t picked up your musical instrument since high school? Or baked bread since the pandemic ended? The less time you spend sitting and occupying your mind about the past relationship, the less it will get to you. Occupy your time with distractions, the more the merrier.

8. Pray It Away

This has been the most helpful tip for me, who better to heal my broken heart than the Creator of the universe? Even if you’re not religious, try talking to God about it.

9. Rebrand

As cliche as Hollywood movies have made it seem, “reinventing” yourself after a breakup can be empowering. According to psychology professor Renee Engeln, “Making a radical change in your appearance can be a way of sending the message that you’re also making a radical change to your life- or that you’d like to.” Pushing yourself to do something radical like adopting a cat (Lupita Nyong’o you did that girl!)facing your fear of heights by going bungee jumping, or moving to another country allows you the freedom to do something without needing anyone’s opinion about it first. A drastic life change is an obvious and somewhat easy way to tell the world that you are ready to start over and reclaim your newly found freedom.

In the difficult moments, remind yourself that you will recover from this. Healing is not linear, and it is absolutely okay to do everything on this list and still feel devastated. For me, missing him comes and goes in waves, but it’s in those breathless painful moments that I remind myself that human resilience is something to be marveled at and that my heart will be whole once more. Most importantly, whatever you do, do not give up on yourself. We must still go on to believe that fairytales exist, and that love will come to stay next time around.
6 November 2023
Thabang Tabane // Creating a Modern Blueprint for Malombo

It is said that music is one of the earliest, most enduring forms of storytelling, shaping and creating powerful life changing experiences one note at a time.

Malombo is a word drawn from tshiVenda, which specifically refers to traditional ceremonies – where dancing to music occurs during a rite of exorcism or healing. Drumming styles originating from these ceremonial roots proceeded to influence a seasoned array of jazz musicians – such as the late, great Dr Philip Nchipi Tabane, who dynamically fashioned malombo music into a genre of its own in the early 1960s.

Vocalist and master percussionist, Thabang Tabane, expands the parameters of what is essentially an art form built by his father, in order to showcase vibrational catharsis through the intersection of brisk tempos, nimble basslines and the polyrhythms of the malombo drums. Honing an insistent, enchanting sense of groove through his single-minded approach of present-day malombo.

Recorded live from his backyard in Mamelodi, Pretoria, ‘Nyanda Yeni’ serves as the first taste from his forthcoming debut album Matjale, to be released this September under Johannesburg based, independent music imprint, Mushroom Hour Half Hour.

The track finds Sibusile Xaba’s “angular, tweaked guitar” and Thabang’s percussive effervescence virtually flirting with “miniature whirling dervishes. In an almost dizzying, looping game of never-ending hide-and-seek, the traditional plea for rain is silk-spun into malombo modernity.” – quoted from Mushroom Hour Half Hour’s Soundcloud page.

Titled after his grandmother Matjale – a spiritual healer who ritualistically hummed soothing tunes throughout his childhood – the contemporary Africanism advocate was urged to sketch a dynamic blueprint of the genre that simultaneously reflected his journey as a black man from the 012.

The music video was directed and edited by record collector, archivist, and award winning documentary film director/producer, The StraitJacket Tailor. “The video is composed primarily of archival footage taken from apartheid-era cinema from South Africa endorsing the notion of ‘separate development’. By taking apart old propaganda films and their fallacies of coonish fantasy, it slices and splices them in order to re-order their meanings. In other words, it subverts. Taking us for a loop. Also included in the film are short video clips of the legendary, late Dr. Philip Tabane performing, creating an arch that links father and son in life, love and malombo.” – quoted from Mushroom Hour Half Hour’s website.

The visuals had me straight reminiscent of Joshua Sinclair’s Shaka Zulu series that used to play on SABC 2, intersected by flashbacks of ‘swimming days’ back in primary school where everyone would line up anxiously in anticipation of a young splish-splash. Only to propel me further into fantasies of how I’d imagine myself gyrating and busting out incisive shoulder-popping – all while sitting in the corner watching everyone else break a sweat on the dancefloor (intense, I know).

Titled after Cameroonian bass player Richard Bona, Thabang’s second offering Richard is a refreshing utterance of new-wave malombo, and is described as “a truncated, dubby bassline [that] provides the footing for a nimble, reprised riff that meets its comeuppance in the song’s climactic breakdown.” Moreover, “vocally, Tabane inserts himself in the song’s meter, teasing out its melodic contours and later decoding its guitar phrases into lyrics about the state of black life in his country.” – quotes from Mushroom Hour Half Hour’s Soundcloud page.

The drums and vocal inserts teleport me to an imaginary dimension of me donning an impressive Fela Kuti jumper, dancing barefoot on moist soil just after an afternoon of summer rain on a sultry Saturday evening – riveting.

Keep it locked on Mushroom Hour Half Hour’s website and social pages for more details on the Matjale album launch.

12 September 2018
‘Come Back To Bed’ – rediscovering intimacy

The following is written by Robert Tennent, a young man who is sharing his story of emotional healing after sexual assault through an exhibition and book titled ‘Come Back To Bed’. He hopes that by sharing his story it will provide awareness as well as offer a source of comfort and courage for those going through similar experiences.

I don’t remember much but I do remember how I felt afterward. I remember getting home that night, confused about everything. I knew that I couldn’t be intimate with anyone for a long time.

I felt like I didn’t know myself. Questioned my sexuality a lot. Extremely confused and pushed people away so I could be alone. I lost a lot of myself during that time. I developed an eating disorder and put my energy into something negative. I chose to remain celibate until I was sure about what I wanted to do, and also to accept what happened to me.

I met a man who was a total dreamboat. We clicked instantly and I don’t think I will ever forget him. I had it all planned out in my head about how the night would go, and that was the first time I had thought seriously about having sex with someone again. We finished our drinks and decided to walk back to my hotel. We didn’t end up having sex but I knew I wanted to. I asked him if I could see him again soon and he said,“I’d like that”.

He made sure I was comfortable. He told me he would stop if it was getting too much. He held me and kissed me to make sure I was okay. It was too much for me. I was getting flashbacks and my body rejected it. I told him I couldn’t do it and he stopped straight away. We fell asleep next to each other.

A few months later I saw him again and we spent the weekend together. It came so naturally and we had a great time with one another. And this time we had sex. And I was okay with it. I had my camera on the side table next to his bed and asked if I could take a photo of him. He said yes so I snapped one picture of him covering his face. I took another one of his legs crossed. I developed them and saved them on my phone.

I started doing this to everyone I slept with after this. I asked them beforehand and some were hesitant but most were fine with it. I wanted to make sure they were comfortable with it. I wanted to capture the intimacy in the images. I wanted to be able to remember every detail of my time with them. I wanted to be in control of the situation. I knew this was helping me. I had to go through this in order to move forward. I had to rediscover sex again. I knew this was something I wanted to share with the world.

I began to write about these men. I wrote about how I felt about them. I also wrote about the man that assaulted me. But I decided to exclude that from my book. I read through it again today and I am choosing to share it. I am holding nothing back anymore.

‘A pain I would feel many more times in my life.

But this pain lingered

I felt as though my body had been tampered with. You cut the wires that went to my mind and switched off some parts of my body.

I became a stranger in my own body.’

I live in New Zealand and I rarely hear about these topics. We don’t speak about them in schools. New Zealand has the highest amount of teenage suicide worldwide. Everyone I spoke to about this had no idea, and I’m sure people reading this didn’t know. New Zealanders tend to look at the outside world and we hear these stories going on in the world but there is almost a ‘thank god it doesn’t happen here’ mentality. I have heard the sentence ‘it is worse in a lot of places’. This is not an excuse for us to ignore it in our country.

To be able to hold the exhibition in my city was a blessing. I wanted to bring people together to talk about this and to bring survivors together to celebrate surviving. The book was a way to get people to speak about the topic. I used every opportunity I could to promote my story and the importance of healing and looking after yourself.

I want the conversation to continue. There will be people out there who have no idea who I am but they know about my story and my book. That’s enough for me. If someone is speaking about assault and healing, then I have done what I wanted to do. If this conversation was around when I was going through my assault, I think it would have helped me. I want people to be able to know that there is a life after an assault and that it is hard at the time, but you can get through this.

‘Come Back To Bed’ is available online.

15 June 2018
Bulgar Witchez – “Possess yourself before you wreck yourself”

Keren Setton and Sitaara Stodel have had a desire to address themes related to self-love, sisterhood, sharing knowledge and playfulness. Having met while studying Fine Art at Michaelis School of Fine Art at UCT, their friendship has formed organically. Feeling frustrated with the everyday 9 to 5 life and searching for a creative outlet, they spoke to each other about making potions as children and their fascination with the idea of the witch. Their interest in witches is related to how they view them as powerful women who have been persecuted and labeled as evil. “Actually she [a witch] is in touch with herself and the world,” Keren explains. Their playful relationship, interest in witches and mutual love for bulgar wheat combined to form the collective Bulgar Witchez.

Selfie ritual 1

Unsure of whether to describe their work as an art practice given that studying art left them unsure of the art world and where they see themselves in it, their collective is a mixture of performance, healing and playful experimentation. The digital manifestations of this mixture are shared on Instagram and are informed by astrology, rituals, plants, tarot cards and online culture. “Bulgar Witchez is about being fun and creative. And a lot about self-love and personal growth. We are both still young and trying to figure out what kind of art we want to make,” Sitaara explains. Their “spells” are made up of whatever would be needed to tackle a problem or provide encouragement. “It’s like magic for yourself,” Sitaara explains. Some of the spells they create are based on what they are going through in their own lives, and others are based on spell requests.

Friendship Spell

“We have an aesthetic that we try to stick to,” Keren explains, “but we are constantly trying to push Instagram into something interesting. We consume so much imagery that we also wanted to make the imagery that we wanted to see”. The Bulgar Witchez have recently starting experimenting with creating gifs, and hope to get their YouTube channel going soon.

Be sure to check them out on Instagram, and feel free to send through a spell request.

13 March 2017